So, it's been a while since I've posted. Apparently I need to get back into the groove. I made a resolution to be true to myself this year... But I really don't like starting resolutions on January 1st - it feels so.... forced. So many people RESOLVE to change their lives at the first of the year only to find that they can't stick with it. I like to reflect for a bit and start my resolutions about the time everyone else is falling off the wagon -- perhaps I feel like I'm being a bit more authentic this way. Well, I guess only time will tell.
So Happy 2011 (22 days in). Here's to sticking with my writing!
Today I've been reflecting a bit on my life - and the difference between my husband and me. I've come to the conclusion that much of how we operate in the world can be derived from how we operate in the kitchen. I'm a baker. I. Love. To. Bake. I pull out the cookbook. Look up a recipe. Follow the steps in order to end up with delicious perfection. Sure, I might add a few ingredients here and there... swap out the raisins for blueberries... add a bit more sugar or substitute heavy whipping cream for half and half (because EVERYTHING is better with heavy whipping cream). But pretty much, I stick to the recipe. If I have an idea for something new and wonderful - I head back to the cookbook (or to the trusty internet) and search out a new recipe for perfection.
My husband, -- (we'll just call him "Lovey") on the other hand -- is a cook/ chef. While he has no professional training - he is excellent in the kitchen. Some may think that "chef" is a stretch - I tend to disagree. Lovey - can walk to the cupboard or fridge -- see what we have on had -- grab a few ingredients and essential spices -- and whip up a fantastic dish in no time at all. AND present it with an artistic flair.
I've been "baking" my way through life, my entire life. There has always been a "recipe" for success. Get good grades in high school. Go to College. Get a Masters Degree. Get a job. Get married. Have a Family.... follow a plan...follow a plan... follow a plan....
So here I am in 2011. I find myself at a crossroads. I enjoy my job - but my soul is telling me that its time for something new. I'm at work from 8-5. I see Sweet Pea in the morning for a few hours and for a few hours at night. And the weekends - which go waywayway too fast. Most weekdays, I have a fussy baby in the morning and a crabby baby at night. And the daycare gets the best of my kid. AND I NEED MORE THAN THAT. I need much much much more than that for my soul to be satisfied.
So my natural instinct is to look up the recipe - the "step by step plan" that will get me the sweet perfection that I am seeking. The plan B MUST be written down somewhere. Guess what? It doesn't exist - or if it does, it isn't in any book that I can find. So I find myself floundering - looking from one book, idea, solution to the next - and finding that nothing seems to give me the perfect, easy, solution -- all baked up nice with chocolate frosting and sprinkles on top. I'm stuck. And frustrated. And I don't have a plan... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MY LIFE.
So -- I guess that my next step is to apply Lovey's way of operating in the world. It's time to take stock of what's in my "pantry" - What are the talents and skills that I have on hand -- and how can I combine these ingredients to create something fantastic with my life? Whatever I come up with must utilize creativity - and allow me to live in a way where my soul can sing AND allow me to be there for the important moments in Sweet Pea's life. I deserve the best of him. And more importantly, he deserves the BEST of ME.
-- years ago I saw this quote on my college advisor's bulletin board. I don't know who to credit - but it rings as true today as it did then... It's important to have an end to journey towards, but it's the journey that matters... in the end."
I don't have any answers. Mostly I just have a million questions. But I'll keep you posted as I continue my journey to figure it out.
--bf
Now your cooking!!!
ReplyDeleteOh Brooke, I totally identify with you in this post. I feel the same way about how I approach things - I like things to be organized, I like to know the plan, have a pattern, set the route. And like you, I haven't been able to find the book for the next big move, though I've tried.
ReplyDeleteLet me know how things go for you - because I've certainly been trying my hardest to "cook" instead of "bake" for a bit now, but it's a hard transition to make. Best of luck.