We're quickly approaching Sweet Pea's one-year milestone. The time has sped by at lightening speed. I'm not quite sure how we've gotten here - perhaps that is because I've been in a zombie-like sleep deprived stupor for most of this past year...
It's been an amazing process to watch Sweet Pea's accomplishments and the growth. First smile. First laugh. First words ("hi". "mama". "hat". "dog". ) Crawling (sort of -- it's more like a scoot... a-la Gollum from "Lord of the Rings"). And now pulling himself to a standing position - which has brought a about a whole new set of challenges that I was hoping to avoid entirely.
As we speak, Sweet Pea (or Not-so-Sweet-Pea, tonight) is up in his crib, pulled into a standing position, and screaming bloody murder. There are no tears. Just a full-on, pissed-off, temper tantrum. Apparently he has decided that it's NOT time to go to bed - even though he was sound asleep in my arms for about an hour before I decided to take him upstairs... the minute the words "bed-time" escaped my lips - I had a "REVOLT on my hands!
I've read numerous books. I've talked to my doctors. I've discussed with my family & friends. And it's 50/50 about how to handle the situation. Half of the parties polled are firm believers in the "cry-it-out" method. The other half believe this to be torture and cruelty... "Why don't you just pick up the poor little guy and give him what he needs?" I really don't know the answer here. (and apparently whichever way we go, half of everyone will disagree.)
This is night number two of "Baby Bootcamp" (stole that phrase from a friend - can't claim it as my own -- props to J.J.) And tonight is no better than the last. And just when I feel sorry enough to rescue him from his cage of misery and pick him up... the kiddo gives me a grin and a hug and his happy little bouncy dance... and I think to myself. ("Self -- this kid is totally playing you -- who's the BOSS here?") And he gets set back into the crib again. Pretty soon he's going to stop screaming and go to sleep... right? Right? Otherwise I'm going to have to get noise-canceling headphones - because the sad little sounds are making me feel terrible. I don't think I'm up for Mommy-of-the- Year for the hell I'm putting my kid through.
Here's the worst part. We TOTALLY had this under control about two months ago. Before he was able to stand up in his crib. We'd done the baby boot camp and went through the screaming and came out the other side with a kiddo that understood that bedtime was sleepy time. And when we put him in his crib he laid down and happily went to sleep. I was SO IMPRESSED with Lovey and me. We were bedtime PROFESSIONALS. And then came teething. And a really bad cold. And an ear infection. And a really, really miserable kid who needed love and snuggles...
And now we're paying the price and starting all over again. Forty-six minutes later and no end in sight to the screaming. Awesome.
So how do YOU handle the bedtime routine. Snuggles or Tough Love? Anyone have the perfect answer?
--bf
Jo Frost of Super Nanny t.v. fame has what I think is a good method of handling situations such as yours. It's a combination of recognizing their 'needs' yet gradually transitioning to less time with the child. Eventually they get to the point where they are secure in their bedtime routine and know that Mum or Dad aren't going to cater to their every whim as they are OK. It's worth watching if for only seeing her in action.
ReplyDeleteI admit to allowing my DD 'crying it out' a handful of times. And I do mean a handful. However, I had a gentleman come to our door one summer evening who heard her crying upstairs and was concerned for her welfare. I was so very embarrassed, as I thought myself to be a good Mum.
Also, I do believe that every child has individual needs, fears, issues that a parent should be tuned in to that is exclusive to that child. Only you, as the parent, know what that is and shouldn't let others dissuade you from what works for Sweet Pea!
Much luck and some day you'll look back and have a good laugh.
Karen - thank you so much for your insights. I appreciate them very much!
ReplyDeleteBlaine and I have done both- we started letting him cry it out only after everything else (snuggles, nursing, rocking, lullabies) stopped working. The only thing that saved my sanity was shutting his door completely and turning off the monitor. We didn't intend to do it, but I think it paid off, as bed time is usually very easy and he sleeps 12 hours a night.
ReplyDeleteBut given that, just the past two nights though, we've had to go up and snuggle with him after we put him to bed because he got himself so worked up.
My motto for motherhood has become "it's just a phase," because truly everything seems to be just a phase he goes through. He could just be more irritated now because he's brain is in overdrive learning these new skills.
I agree with Karen, trust yourself as a parent and that you know what is best for your baby. Some nights, crying it out might be the best thing for him (and for you), some nights, the comfort of the snuggles might help you both.
It's just a phase. This too, shall pass.
Excuse the typos.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sarah! Appreciate the feedback!
ReplyDelete