Keeping Kids Safe from Sexual Abuse

I have a magazine subscription addiction.  It's not pretty... Lovey would agree.  We have magazines scattered all over our house.  On my nightstand.  One the living room coffee table.  In the bathroom... in ALL the bathrooms.  In my purse and in my work bag.  It's those darn United miles that I need to spend down .  And now I just can't stop. The good news in all of this?  I have made a commitment to work my way through the piles and then recycle or re-gift the magazines that I'm through reading.  No more hanging on to the magazines that I might get to... someday.  And I'm actually making some progress!

I recently participated in a "groupon" or was it a "living social" deal for a subscription to 5280 magazine for $10.00 for the year.  Then I got another offer to add an additional year for the same price.  Done and Done.  While this Denver-based magazine is sometimes a little "out of touch" with those of us who actually WORK for a living... (I mean, REALLY, who is actually buying the $430 suede and nylon Prada sneakers you put in your men's fashion section...) I can usually find an article or two of worth in every magazine.  Sometimes I find a nugget that might be relevant to my work life.  And sometimes it's an article of value for my personal life.  Other times it's just a really great restaurant that I add to the list of places I'd like to eat some day... you know, when I actually have time to go on a date night again.

This month's magazine has a fascinating article that every parent should read.  It's horrifying.  Scary.  Relevant.  And packed with information that you should know to keep your kids safe. 

This article discusses a preschool here in Denver that was hit with allegations of child sex abuse.  Something that no parent wants to even consider.  But guess what?  By not considering the possibility - you could be leaving your kids exposed to a sex offender.  I've included a link to the article - but feel it necessary to re-iterate a few of the high points.  In case you don't have time to read the entire article, here are the cliff notes.  Forgive me for pretty much quoting the article verbatim.  This information is extremely important and I want to make sure I don't take it out of context.  All credit goes to the article's author Lindsey B. Koehler.

• By age 18 - about 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys will be sexually abused.
• More than 20% of children are sexually abused before age eight.
•  Up to 50% of sexual offenders are juveniles.
•  96% of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by males.
•  The average pedophile abuses approximately 250 kids.
• The four most common places for child molestation to occur are at school, during sports programs, at religious institutions, and inside homes - the child's or someone else's.
• ANY CHILD CAN BE ABUSED.  YOUR CHILD IS MORE VULNERABLE IF YOU ARE: 
• uniformed about sex abuse 
• not spending time with them 
• not asking your them questions or not listening to them

So -- what can you do?  How can you be informed?  What can you teach your children so that they are informed?  The article lists 10 "Body Safety Rules" from author, Feather Berkower.  She wrote the book Off Limits:  A Parent's Guide to Keeping Kids Safe from Sexual Abuse.  The book is available here.

Again - forgive my copying straight from the article - but here are the rules you need to teach your children.  Word for word.

1. No one is allowed to touch your private body parts, except to help you clean them or if the doctor or nurse needs to examine them. (This includes siblings.)
2. You are not allowed to touch someone else's private body parts.
3. It is OK to touch your own private body parts as long as you do it in private.
4. No one (adult or teenager) is allowed to take pictures of your private body parts or show you pictures of naked people.
5. When playing with friends, play with your clothes on.
6. You and all of your family members are allowed to have privacy when bathing, dressing, and using the toilet. (model privacy for your children)
7. No one is allowed to make you kiss or touch him or her if you don't want to. No one is allowed to kiss or touch you if you don't want him or her to, including relatives. You are allowed to choose whom you kiss and touch and when you kiss and touch other people.
8. You have permission to say "NO" and get away if anyone tries to touch your private body parts or tries to break any of your body safety rules. You never have to do what an adult or anyone tells you to do if the person is breaking a body safety rule or making you unsafe.
9. If someone tries to or does touch your private body parts, try to get away and then go tell a trusted adult.
10. If someone tells you to keep a secret about touching private body parts, tell an adult.

I know that this is a scary topic.  I know that as parents this is not something we want to consider, or discuss... but it's really important that we're all aware.  It's really important that we're all talking about these issues and asking questions -- talk to your kids teachers, daycare providers, babysitters... Even though the topic is uncomfortable, by asking questions of the people who spend time with your kids -- you let them know that you are aware... that you are paying attention.

A person with the potential to sexually abuse your child does not want to get caught.  They want to continue abusing.  Kids and parents who are uninformed make better targets.


Be informed.  Be aware.  Spend time with your children.  And talk to your children about these and other issues that matter and can keep them safe!

I hope you all find this information (and the link to the 5280 article) as helpful and as informative as I did...

-bf