Lovey has been out of town this week. Back in our "pre Sweet Pea" days, I would look forward to the times when he was away for a trip. It meant staying up late, watching all the chick flicks I wanted. An after-work happy hour or two. And the whole bed to myself!! Sleeping free of the snoring and the kicking and the blanket stealing... (ok, I might be stretching the truth a little here - apparently I am the blanket stealer... the rest of the story I stand behind).
Life is a bit more complicated these days when Lovey is on the road. In addition to a full-time job, I have to find ways to get Sweet Pea to and from daycare, complete with all of his daycare "stuff" (cloth diapers, food, milk, etc). Then, once we are home for the evening, find time to figure out a plan for dinner, bathe and snuggle and nurse Sweet Pea and attempt to keep the house in some semblance of an order. It's a tough job when there are two of us here to tackle it... it near impossible when it's just me.
So as I reflect upon another week of single-motherhood... I'm struck by two things. First - that I appreciate Lovey (and I don't tell him this enough). He's a team player. A great dad. A wonderful husband. I am so lucky to have a partner that is really and truly in every sense A PARTNER. We are in this together. For better or for worse. And I'm better with him. (he's also better with me.)
The second realization came to me because of the circumstances of this week. Mid-week I encountered my first real "illness" since Sweet Pea arrived. I've had a cold here and there... but this was an all-out I. AM. SICK. As Sweet Pea and I laid on the couch together, wrapped in blankets and surrounded by pillows... I considered myself lucky that my kiddo is exhausted from daycare by the end of the day and that he loves his mama and really just wants to snuggle any chance he gets. But as I laid there with the heating pad on my back and neck... feeling sorry for myself and my circumstances... I wondered... How do single parents DO this?
And the answer is that perhaps they don't. I was laying on the couch feeling miserable and sorry for myself and really wishing that my mom lived closer so that she could come help me. We have great neighbors and Lovey's family nearby. And great friends, too. But asking for help felt so...WEAK. But perhaps it's the NOT asking for help when I really, truly need it that makes me WEAK. Being part of a community means being INTERdependent. And being interdependent - being able to give AND receive help - is much more difficult than going it alone. Being able to admit that I can't do it all myself is much more challenging than pretending that I've got it all under control. As much as I like to think of myself as "superwoman" - nothing could be further from the truth. I'm doing my best to hold it together and some days I'm hanging on by a thread.
Maybe single parents have determined that they can't go it alone. And they know how to ask for help and WHO to ask for help when they really need it. However they make it work - it appears I have a thing or two to learn from them.
Sweet Pea is (hopefully) in bed for the night, I'm finally feeling somewhat back to normal, and Lovey is due home soon. Looks like I better get to work. I've got some cleaning to do - apparently, a tiny tornado went through my house this week! And maybe while I'm at it I can figure out something for dinner that doesn't come in "cereal box" form...
I'm interested to know if it's easy for any of you to ask for help when you need it - and who do you feel comfortable asking? Do you have your "go to" people? Or does it depend on the situation?
--bf
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