Tomorrow, October 7, marks 6 months since Sweet Pea entered the world. Six months since my life was forever changed. It's a bit unbelievable how quickly the time has gone. Perhaps this is because I have been a sleepwalking zombie through most of this time... To mark the occasion of my son's 6 month anniversary on the planet, I thought I would take a little time to reflect...
Some would argue that life began changing the moment I found out that I was preggo with Sweet Pea. In many ways I would agree. Gone were the late nights out -- hanging out with friends, drinking wine and listening to live music... Mostly, life changed because I was hugging the toilet or so dead tired that I was in bed by 8 pm. Once Sweet Pea arrived life changed in much more unpredictable ways.
I remember coming home from the hospital with this weight of RESPONSIBILITY. I needed to protect this little person -- who I loved so unconditionally. I wasn't prepared for the emotions. And I was scared that I would fall down on the job. The weirdest post- pregnancy experience for me has been how TV shows affect me. I watched a lot of TV during my pregnancy -- A LOT. (kindof hard to do much else when you feel puky all day long... ) My "go-to" tv-shows were Crime TV: CSI, murder mysteries... but Criminal Minds was my all-time favorite. Upon returning home from the hospital - I found that I couldn't watch these shows. To be honest, 6 months later I STILL can't watch most of them. I find the violence alarming... scary -- what if that were me? My child? Can I really provide everything that Sweet Pea needs... and how do I make sure nothing horrible EVER happens to him? These days if I'm watching TV, I'd rather watch shows that make me laugh... not shows that scare me to death!
When we first came home from the hospital, I remember thinking that I wasn't sure how I was going to fit all the new "responsibilities" into my day... how would I find time to do laundry, feed, clothe, bathe Sweet Pea -- and still get out the door (fed, clothed, and bathed myself...) I worried I wouldn't get it all done - and especially worried that once Sweet Pea was eating solid food that it would become impossible... Somehow, we've found a way to make it work -- and survive. And for the life of me I can't remember what filled up my days before Sweet Pea was here. Well I do remember having time to run... I haven't figured out how to fit that back in. But trust me, I wasn't running 5 hours a day, so there MUST have been other things I enjoyed doing...
Looking back at photos (and videos) of Sweet Pea over the past few months it's crazy to see how much HE has changed. It doesn't feel like there has been a lot of growth... until I look back from day one until now. I'm glad that we have great documentation... it helps me remember... I just wish there was a way to physically document my emotional process... I don't know that I felt like a grown-up before Sweet Pea. But I sure do now.
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